I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
