so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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