We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
