we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
