thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
