I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
