At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
