How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
