yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
