our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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