I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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