Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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