Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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