if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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