After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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