so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
