she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
