meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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