just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
