I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just gargled with NyQuil
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
