I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
