This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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