So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
