My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
