with your own penis?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
