before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
