I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
