I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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