tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
