and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
