If i come over, it means nothing
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
