I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
two words: eviction party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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