I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
