I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
