he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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