he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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