i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
