I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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