there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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