His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
