I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
