you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
