pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
