We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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