Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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