She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
