mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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