There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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