do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
