just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
