i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
