He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
