And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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