So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
