Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
