Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
