you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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