yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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