I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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