in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
